I think this is very important to write about and tell people about… I knew I was not to blame but I had a very hard time accepting I am not the one to blame. I asked every doctor and professional that walked in to our room. I felt as though I could have been more careful during my pregnancy, stayed away from some of the food I ate etc. I finally have the surgeon say something that made sense. He said if tumors were caused by something I did during pregnancy, it would be easy to cure. If it was from something I ate (lunch meat, yogurt etc) those food places would be closed down. I also felt bad because I stopped breastfeeding so early and people always say breastfeeding babies are healthier. All the doctors said the same thing about that too… if tumors came from non-breastfeed babies, more women would breastfeed and soo many more children would have this problem. I had professional after professional telling me there was nothing I did or could have done to make this happen.
So the next blame game victim was me again, but this time why didn’t I notice! I got over the fact it wasn’t something I ate or feed him, but WHY DID I NOT NOTCIE! Was I a bad mom? Would a day-care provider that sees children all the time have caught it sooner? And again, they said I have a big kid, so his tummy being big was kind of normal. They said if he was super skinny with a huge tummy, I would have probably noticed and brought him in sooner. Then as I started feeling his tummy the question came up, how in bathy time or baby massage time (lotion time) did I not notice one side of his tummy was larger and harder than the other side? The week we came in I was hooked to my camera and kept looking at pictures and kept asking myself, why did I think this HUGE tummy was normal? Am I stupid? Everyone made comments about how big he was and how hard he was… and I really that bad of a mom to think this is a normal size tummy? I think this is something sadly I will always feel is my fault. I do think I should have noticed sooner, and I do think it is a little my fault. I am a stay at home mom and my sole purpose is to make sure my baby is healthy. Yes, thank God I took him in for an ear infection and the Dr agreed and did test… but it is hard to not blame yourself.
Lastly, my pediatrician. Everyone wants to point the finger at him because he is the doctor but I actually blame myself more than him… I am with him every day and this guy only sees Dominick once every 2 months. At month 4 he said he was big, but his weight and height were both in the 90 percent so it made sense to him and us. I also took him to an asthma specialist and he said the same thing, big kid, heavy weight. The thing I asked the specialist here is why wasn’t it caught and should it have been caught. They said these kind of tumors are usually caught when they are HUGE and by parents. They double in size when they grow, so when they start they get crazy big. The side effects are spitting up (normal in babies), breathing funny (also normal), big tummy (sometimes normal with allergies and constipation and big babies) and high blood pressure. The high blood pressure is the only thing the doctor would have caught. HOWEVER, they don’t check blood pressure until children are 3. All in all, Dominick’s doctor did the right thing by ordering a test and checking why his tummy was getting so big. Everyone agreed that if he said it is normal go home, and later in the week I found out it was a tumor, it would be a different story. The doctors at Loma Linda also reminded me he is a pediatrician not a cancer specialist. They said with primary doctors, they will only see ONE cancer case if any in their whole practice. Our doctor also has called and checked on us and could not be more worried about this little guy. And just for the record, Ryan and I plan on going back to him once we get released from here because he was so concerned and apologetic with us.
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