WATCH OUT EVERYBODY, I'm writing another blog and it hasn't been a year :) 

OK, getting serious, today I had a moment of reflexion as Dominick and I were at the oncologist. Today, as we sat in a PACKED waiting room, I was looking around at all the children that were waiting to go back. Lots of them had lost their hair, some looked like Dominick (normal) making me wonder if they were "new" or just there for a check-up. The kids that always make the trip tough are the sick ones. Of course my heart breaks looking at the kids that are sick, but now as a mom, I can't help but look at the mothers of these innocent children and my heart breaks just as much (if not more.) One mom was holding a throw-up bucket for her daughter and another mom was holding her upset baby. I offered to help the mom with the barf bucket and grabbed a nurse who could assist her better than I could. There is nothing worse than seeing a mom with a hurting child. You can see the pain in the mom's eyes and you know any mom would trade places in a heart beat if it was doable. Sitting in this room made me hug Dominick a little tighter as we were waiting. It made me realize I am lucky that he is doing so well, but above all else it made me remember those horrible feelings. I hated seeing my child so sick and knowing there was NOTHING I could do to fix it. So many times I wished I could have just taken all of his pain away and if not that at least taken some of his pain away. It is the worse to just sit back and watch. I don't know why, but today was just a little emotional for me. Maybe the little girl that just died (the Cover Girl) made it more real of what he went through? Or throwing an amazing fun first birthday for my healthy baby made me realize Dominick didn't have the same first birthday? Who knows, maybe I will always have sudden burst of sadness.

Time for some good news people!!! My child is a year and a half cancer free!!! What does this mean? Welp, he needs to be cancer free for 5 years to be "cured" so we are 1 1/2 years down :) He is having all of his usual test done again next month (every 3 months) and I am positive they will keep coming back great :) 

We also had a BIG KID moment today... that took me by complete shock!!! When we got called back to do his blood pressure and all that fun stuff he told me he didn't want me to sit with him!!! (He usually sits in my lap) He said "MOM, NO SIT!!!" I said "You don't want to sit on my lap?" He said "NO MOM" and pointed for me to wait over on the other side of the room!!! WHAT!?!?!? So, there I stood and just watched from a distant! When did he grow up?

(of course I got a picture, what kind of mother would I be if I didn't snap a quick picture of this!!!) 

 AND since he was so good with his labs and such a good boy for the nurses we went and saw dada on the way home :) He loved playing "work" and reminded Ryan many times he was "working" if Ryan tried talking to him :)

After we got home from seeing Ryan we got ready and Kendall went to her one year appointment :) She did really good and hardly cried when she got her shots! 

Today was overall a great day with my little love bugs...

Now off to make dinner :)

Its that time... time for a sappy post!!!

Two years ago this was my Facebook status:

"On our way to Loma Linda to admit Dominick. They are running test on a tumor we found in his kidney. He will more than likely have surgery tonight or tomorrow. Whoever you pray to, please send one up for our little man. Hug your loved ones extra tight and don't sweat the small stuff in life... love to you all!"

I look at this post and think "I clearly had no idea what was going on and was not ready for what happened after!" This person, who wrote this, was not the person who was prepared for what was about to happen. This person drove to Loma Linda thinking they would remove a cyst from her sons stomach and they would go home in a few days... I look at this and my heart just stops beating thinking of what actually followed this "vague" post.

For some June is a time summer begins. June means longer daylight, beaches, pools, schools out, vacations etc. For me, June takes me back to this horrible day in my life. The beginning of June puts a knot in my stomach, remembering what June represented 2 short years ago. June 14th to be exact is an emotional day for me. June 14th was the day my life changed forever. June 14th was the day I heard the words "We think your baby has cancer..." 

No parent should ever have to hear these heart wrenching, stomach dropping words. I remember just sitting there not really understanding what people were saying. It was almost like a huge blur when doctors or nurses were talking to me. Every morning waking up thinking I was stuck in a horrible nightmare. I really had trouble grasping this new reality of mine. After so many tears you really do hit a spot of "My kids has cancer" without a tear or look of sadness on your face. Some people don't understand this, but once you just take your reality for what it is, you get over it. Yup, my kid has cancer and that's that. 

I became so numb to my reality, chemo every week and frequent hospital stays, averaging around 5 days every 4-5 weeks, I just got "use to it." Friends and family knew the food we liked for all three meals and my amazing mom would hear the call "they are admitting Dominick again" and she knew what bags and what clothes to throw together. I started becoming friends with the nurses and would look forward to catching up with them and hearing all their gossip. A few nurses would even bring me breakfast on their way in if they knew I wouldn't have any visitors until night :) I started getting to know my fellow cancer kid mamas and became comfortable walking around the hospital in sweats and no bra (and would smile at the cute new moms that would do their hair and make-up everyday!) Us moms would get coffee for one another and take turns making meal runs. It almost became like a sorority camp... and I say camp because all parents used ONE bathroom!!! I learned to make a fold-up seat bed pretty comfortable, and got use to the wires that were attached to my child. Looking back I honestly don't know how I did it. But I guess when it's your baby, parents learn to deal with any and every situation that comes their way.  

Here we are 2 years later... Ryan and I speak of this event a lot. We always can't believe it happened to us and both feel like it was a horrible dream. We both feel extremely blessed Dominick has remained cancer-free since his last chemo in Jan 2012. All of his test are showing no signs of anything which is still amazing to hear and will never get old :) His kidney is hanging in there. It has had a few hiccups in its short road, but nothing medicine hasn't been able to fix. As of now, we see Oncology every 3 months, Nephrology every 3-6 months (depending on test results), we do ECHOs once a year, chest x-rays, ultrasounds and blood work every 3 months and he is still on some medicine to control blood pressure and help with his kidney function. 

In the privacy of my home (and car) I still sometimes get emotional when I think of what my baby boy has been through. I still have a little part in my soul that won't rest until I hear that he is "cured" which means there is practically no way it will come back. I will hopefully hear the words shortly after he turns 6. Until then, I still have a tiny lump in my throat that is always prepared for the worse. I get scared for his future and his one kidney. I know it is common to have one kidney, but as a mom it is just another thing to worry about. I pray it stays strong and can take on the work of 2 kidneys, but only time will help heel this worry wart mama :)

Thanks again to all of our amazing friends and family for the love and support over the last 2 years. It means more than anyone will ever know... 

XOXO

Guess who's back?!

MMMMEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!

Man oh Man I suck at being a "blogger" but what can I say, I didn't have a computer, then I had a second baby, then I just never really felt like it (and if I did have an urge to vent, I did so in some private groups I belong to on Facebook!) 

Speaking of, we had a second bambino!!!

Kendall Rylie 

Born July 18th (of last year!)

When they said "Its a girl" we were thrilled!!! (and scared all at the same time)

Now we are a fambam of 4!!!!!!!! Things have changed a little, and Dominick is now use to his big brother role, but it was an adjustment to say the least :)

So here we are a year after my last post... Kendall was born, Dominick had surgery (port removed=YAY!), we moved, spent our first Christmas as a family of 4 in our own home, I personally have made some new amazing mommy friends, lots of my friends have become first time moms, and best of all

RYAN WAS PROMOTED AT WORK!!! 

Ryan is now in his dream role that he has been working hard towards since I met him in '08- I am so proud of him and what he has accomplished in his profession. As far as me, I am still "working inside the home" ha ha ha (I heard someone say that once and it made Ryan and myself laugh!) But hey, keeping stuff clean, teaching a toddler, dealing with a baby is tough work... so is watching housewives and other reality TV while the kids sleep :) I am blessed beyond words and can never thank Ryan enough for allowing me to raise these kiddos!!! (even though somedays are a little much to handle!) 

I plan on being better at these blog post, that is my goal!!! Wish me luck!!!