Its that time... time for a sappy post!!!

Two years ago this was my Facebook status:

"On our way to Loma Linda to admit Dominick. They are running test on a tumor we found in his kidney. He will more than likely have surgery tonight or tomorrow. Whoever you pray to, please send one up for our little man. Hug your loved ones extra tight and don't sweat the small stuff in life... love to you all!"

I look at this post and think "I clearly had no idea what was going on and was not ready for what happened after!" This person, who wrote this, was not the person who was prepared for what was about to happen. This person drove to Loma Linda thinking they would remove a cyst from her sons stomach and they would go home in a few days... I look at this and my heart just stops beating thinking of what actually followed this "vague" post.

For some June is a time summer begins. June means longer daylight, beaches, pools, schools out, vacations etc. For me, June takes me back to this horrible day in my life. The beginning of June puts a knot in my stomach, remembering what June represented 2 short years ago. June 14th to be exact is an emotional day for me. June 14th was the day my life changed forever. June 14th was the day I heard the words "We think your baby has cancer..." 

No parent should ever have to hear these heart wrenching, stomach dropping words. I remember just sitting there not really understanding what people were saying. It was almost like a huge blur when doctors or nurses were talking to me. Every morning waking up thinking I was stuck in a horrible nightmare. I really had trouble grasping this new reality of mine. After so many tears you really do hit a spot of "My kids has cancer" without a tear or look of sadness on your face. Some people don't understand this, but once you just take your reality for what it is, you get over it. Yup, my kid has cancer and that's that. 

I became so numb to my reality, chemo every week and frequent hospital stays, averaging around 5 days every 4-5 weeks, I just got "use to it." Friends and family knew the food we liked for all three meals and my amazing mom would hear the call "they are admitting Dominick again" and she knew what bags and what clothes to throw together. I started becoming friends with the nurses and would look forward to catching up with them and hearing all their gossip. A few nurses would even bring me breakfast on their way in if they knew I wouldn't have any visitors until night :) I started getting to know my fellow cancer kid mamas and became comfortable walking around the hospital in sweats and no bra (and would smile at the cute new moms that would do their hair and make-up everyday!) Us moms would get coffee for one another and take turns making meal runs. It almost became like a sorority camp... and I say camp because all parents used ONE bathroom!!! I learned to make a fold-up seat bed pretty comfortable, and got use to the wires that were attached to my child. Looking back I honestly don't know how I did it. But I guess when it's your baby, parents learn to deal with any and every situation that comes their way.  

Here we are 2 years later... Ryan and I speak of this event a lot. We always can't believe it happened to us and both feel like it was a horrible dream. We both feel extremely blessed Dominick has remained cancer-free since his last chemo in Jan 2012. All of his test are showing no signs of anything which is still amazing to hear and will never get old :) His kidney is hanging in there. It has had a few hiccups in its short road, but nothing medicine hasn't been able to fix. As of now, we see Oncology every 3 months, Nephrology every 3-6 months (depending on test results), we do ECHOs once a year, chest x-rays, ultrasounds and blood work every 3 months and he is still on some medicine to control blood pressure and help with his kidney function. 

In the privacy of my home (and car) I still sometimes get emotional when I think of what my baby boy has been through. I still have a little part in my soul that won't rest until I hear that he is "cured" which means there is practically no way it will come back. I will hopefully hear the words shortly after he turns 6. Until then, I still have a tiny lump in my throat that is always prepared for the worse. I get scared for his future and his one kidney. I know it is common to have one kidney, but as a mom it is just another thing to worry about. I pray it stays strong and can take on the work of 2 kidneys, but only time will help heel this worry wart mama :)

Thanks again to all of our amazing friends and family for the love and support over the last 2 years. It means more than anyone will ever know... 

XOXO